Rating: N/A
I couldn’t think of a tagline either.
After watching this trailer for Shredder, I was partially convinced that this movie was softcore porn. After watching the entire thing, I’m still not entirely sure it wasn’t. This movie is so bad that it’s kinda good, then bad again, then almost good again.
While I usually try to avoid spoiling too much about a movie, I’m disregarding that notion for Shredder. I’m confident that, out of all the 7.9 billion people known to live on this earth, there are 0 that plan on watching this movie because they expect it to have a compelling plot. And surely, if someone of that nature were to exist, they would have seen the movie by now anyways.
Our story starts as so many of its kind do: a group of horny teenagers are heading to some remote location for a nice weekend getaway. Of course they get a myriad of suspicious looks and warnings on the way to their destination, but our heroes persists in spite of it all. The most on-the-nose of these bad omens is when a guy tries running them off the road with, I kid you not, the below bumper sticker:
Let’s get my main complaint with this movie out of the way now: the villain just looks so lame. The whole point of B movie slashers are that the villain is supposed to look really cool and scary. We can overlook bad acting, cheesy special effect, and a script that was written in a single afternoon. The payoff for this, however, is supposed to be seeing a terrifyingly badass dude in a cool mask go on a rampage for 90 minutes or so. Shredder’s guy is quite literally just a guy (in a super menacing black parka).
The most memorable kill happens at the very beginning of the movie when our villain decapitates a rogue snowboarder with some type of wire as he descends the hill. There’s also a somewhat imaginative scene where the killer hooks a victim’s scarf in the ski lift, sending them down to their unsuspecting friends below. Outside of that, I’m pretty hard pressed to remember any of the “action” scenes.
This movie is billed as a Horror/Comedy, and it definitely is funny at times, just not often due to actual jokes that the writers came up with. It’s simultaneously self-aware and cringe inducing, and it makes for a kind of confusing viewing experience overall. I will say that I’ve definitely had less enjoyable movie-watching experiences (full disclosure, I was pretty baked while watching this one).
I’ve just realized that I haven’t even mentioned an actual character or name from this movie thus far into the review. Honestly, having watched the movie a few days ago at this point, I’m finding it hard to even remember many names. I do remember the legendary Christophe (Brad Hawkins), who provided us with this legendary quote:
“I’ll stay here, look around… keep the ladies warm.”
Chris(tian)
Shredder is ripe with so many cliches and inconsistencies that they aren’t even really worth mentioning. I do want to mention one sort-of plot-hole though. It was really disappointing that the killer killed the blonde one (Kimberley (Lindsey McKeon)) given she was the only one who was skiing out of her group. I guess she had already been corrupted by their evil snowboarder ways.
Ultimately, I’ve decided to forgo rating this “experience” altogether. I really did try, but it was impossible to come up with a score that I was satisfied with. Originally a 3 came to mind, but I rate these movies purely on the basis of my own enjoyment, and I honestly think I enjoyed Shredder more than Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022). Then I was going to give it a 4, but I really can’t justify giving this movie a rating that high. Then I contemplated a 3.5, but ultimately this movie bested me, and I realized I had put myself up to an impossible task.
I’ve seen multiple negative reviews online tearing this movie apart for that very reason. But really, what did you expect? A cursory glance at the trailer alone could have given you all the warning you’d need. All in all, this movie really is probably exactly what you should expect.